Tolle Lege

At the outset I want to be quite clear.  This blog post is not intended to be normative.  This is not a prescription  nor is it some sort of magical key to one's devotional life.  My intention is to relate my own experience in the hopes that those who have personality similar to mine might benefit.

 There are many excellent Bible reading plans available to the Christian.  If one were to read 3 chapters of the Bible each day, and 5 on Sundays, one could read through the entire Bible in a year.  Most Bible reading plans are meant to accomplish this goal.  Many are designed to allow the reader to read through the Psalms, Proverbs, and Gospel's twice, and the rest of the Scriptures once.  One of the better plans is the reading plan by Robert Murray McCheyne which has you read through various types and genres of Scripture simultaneously.

These sorts of reading plans work for many people, and many people derive great benefit from them.  I, however, am not one of them.  For me, these plans make the goal of reading through the Bible more important than reading the Bible.  When I follow one of these plans, I tend to read to finish the section, rather than for understanding.  I recognize that the problem is not with the plans themselves, but with me.  However, I also think that the way I read does not lend itself well to using these methods.  Put simply, it is too fast for me to dig into the text, and too slow for me to synthesize my reading.  Recently, I've found a method that works much better for me, and which has made Bible reading a joy.

Get the Big Picture:
I stumbled across this quite by accident.  For class here at Covenant Seminary (which has a fancy new website) we are required to read the Bible (a more obvious sentence may never have been written!).  Due to the pace of the schedule, this often requires reading large sections of the Bible in one sitting.  Recently, I read Genesis over the course of two days, and Matthew's Gospel in one.  Last semester, I read the majority of Paul's letters in a few days.  I learned two things from this:

1.  "Books" in the Bible are much shorter than we think them to be.  When I opened Genesis in the past I would see the "book" as containing 50 "chapters."  Just the terminology that we use caused me to think of Bible reading as a daunting task.  The 66 books of the Bible are described with terminology similar to a novel.  It gives the perception that they are longer than they really are.  Likewise, "chapter" sounds similar to what you would find inside of a book that you would pick up at Barnes and Noble (...or download on your eReader).   I recognize that this sounds obvious, but reading a "book" or three "chapters" sounds like a difficult task.  In reality, though, reading a whole book of the Bible is not unlike reading a chapter in a "normal" book.  Matthew was, I think, about 35 pages.  Not insurmountable in a single sitting by any means, and it is a fairly "long" book, especially by New Testament standards.

2.  When reading a whole book of the Bible in one or two sittings, you see things that you would have otherwise missed.  At the end of Matthew, the authority and magnificence of Christ are poignant having read the Gospel from start to finish.  One finishes the book and cannot help but to worship, such is the rhetorical force of the book read cover to cover.  This is something that I did not "get" when reading a few chapters a day.

I should mention that I do not read a book of the Bible every day or even every week.  I might do something like this every other week or so.  In the intervening time I think about the book that I read, and reflect on the major themes that it put forth.

Dig Deep:
This likely looks quite different for me than it might for other people.  This daily aspect of my devotional reading was also discovered by accident.  After I finished Greek in exegesis last year, I purchased a Reader's Bible and decided to try to read from it everyday.  Recently, having just finished Hebrew II, I read a Hebrew's reader Bible as well.  Basically, I choose a book (John in the NT and passages from Numbers in the OT), and I read anywhere from a few verses to paragraph (depending on how complicated the section or vocabulary is).  While my "big picture  reading helps me grasp the flow and argument of the book, this allows me to dig deeply into the text and notice minutia that I too easily skip when reading more quickly in English.

As an example, the other night I was reading in Numbers.  I was reading about Caleb encouraging Israel to enter the land despite the presence of mighty people occupying the land because God had promised it to them. The very next verse says that the Israelites picked up stones to stone him. Surely I read that wrong, I thought. But no, that's what it said. When I read that passage in English I read so quickly that I blow right by the enormity of the situation. "Yeah I know," I think, "they don't go into the land." But slowing down and reading the Hebrew, it struck me in a new way. The slavery, the plagues, the Red Sea, the promise to Abraham... The goal is right there, and when Caleb says as much, they pick up stones to stone him.  Wow.

Now, many of you who read this might not be able to read the original languages, but that does not mean you can't intentionally slow down and focus on a few verses.  A good book or two on hermeneutics (how to read) might not be a bad investment of your time.  Learning to read the Bible well is not a skill that we are born with, it is something that we learn.

As I said at the outset, there is no "right" way to read the Bible, but we must read it.  We must be a people of the Book who hear the voice of God and allow it shape, change, and mold us.  I have found a method which allows my Bible reading to be refreshing and exciting, but it might not work for you.  That is okay, but you must, as was famously said to Augustine, "Take up an read." Tolle lege.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

How a Book Ends Up on My Shelf

While my sister was here at Christmas she mentioned that she told a friend of hers at work about how I catalog and manage my books.  Her friend, a librarian, thought it was a pretty cool.  I thought I'd write a pictorial blog about how I go about cataloging and arranging my books, as it could potentially be a help for those with moderate to large libraries (mine is about 900 volumes).  (n.b. I realize that the "screenshots" are pretty poor.  I took them with my cellphone instead of doing a real screenshot and re-sizing it, mostly due to ignorance).

Step 1:

Step 1, for me, is to use the immensely cool book seal that my good friend bought me as a groomsman's gift.  You may skip this step, but your books will be much less cool than mine are.


Step 2:

This is a wonderful app for managing one's library with a program called Zotero (zotero.org). it is a free program, and this app saves, quite literally, hours.  I didn't start cataloging my library until it was already pretty big, so the initial set up took awhile (it was a summer project), but this app made the process very easy.  Basically, for $1.99, you get a tool that scans the bar code on your book, searches Worldcat or Google books and fetches the information then sends it to your Zotero database.  Really a must have.


 Step 3:

This is a look at my Zotero home page.  The column on the left is your "libraries."  You can place books (as well as articles, websites, pictures, etc.) in different categories.  Items can be in more than one category as well.  The center column is sortable by title, author, type, call number, etc.  The column on the left will display information about the selected book.  You can add "notes" and "tags" to each book (more on that in a second).  One of the really neat features of Zotero is its bibliography creator.  Basically, select your book you want to cite, and it will export the info into the desired format (Turabian, MLA, APA, etc.)


Step 4:

Once a book is scanned and sent to Zotero, it goes in the "unfiled items" section.  Once it is there, I go to loc.gov (the Library of Congress website), copy the ISBN, and search for the book in the LOC catalog.  There are two pieces of information that I grab from LOC (or worldcat, if LOC doesn't have an entry).  The first is the call number, found on the "Brief Record" page seen above.  LOC call numbers are extremely handy because professional librarians have already thought through where to put a book on your shelf.  My shelves are well organized with similar books in close proximity to others because of the LOC call numbers.  Before deciding to do this, I had rearranged my shelves twice because I didn't like the order they were in.  Now, I don't even have to think about it.

Step 5:

The other tab that I look at on the LOC website is the "subjects" tab.  From here I add the LOC subjects as tags in Zotero.  Zotero has a good search feature, and the LOC tags let me quickly see books from similar categories (say, for instance,  "Theology, Doctrinal").  Selecting that tag will bring up all the books in that category.  Pretty nifty.  You can, of course,search for title, author, ISBN and other things as well.  Tags can be used for things other than LOC subjects.  I tag books that are gifts and add another tag with the name of the person who gave it to me.  You can tag books for certain classes or semesters, or books that are on your "to read" list.  I also use tags to keep track of the books which I lend out.  If I lend a book I add the tag "checked out."  Next, I add a "note" with the name of the person I lent it to.  A very handy thing for me.  Once I get the book back, I just delete the note and tag.


Step 6:

After all of the data is in Zotero, it's time to actually tag the book with its LOC call number.  I use mailing address labels cut into thirds.  For cloth bound books, packing tape may be necessary to keep the tag from falling of.  That was honestly a tough decision to come to, as I like to keep my books "clean."  But, books are to be read and used, and I have no qualms with outlining or note taking in a book, so why would I have a problem with making it easy to find?  This may be the single most time consuming part of the whole process at the outset.  As I was getting starting, I would put on a movie or podcast and get down to it.  Now, I just do it for each new book, and it takes very little time.


Step 7:

Once the call number is attached to the book, it's ready to go up on the shelf.  This book, which is for a class I'm taking in the Spring semester, is labeled BR.  B is the general category for religion and philosophy, BR is "Christianity," and 115 is "Christianity in relation to special subjects."  You don't have to know all of that, of course, and when you see the book on the shelves it makes good sense.

Step 8:

The only thing left to do is put the book up on the shelf.  Back in November, we moved across town.  Taking the time during the summer to label my books was a huge blessing.  I was able to pack them in order and know exactly where they went when we got to the new house.  My "office" is quite a bit smaller than our previous house (where I basically had the entire basement), so quite a few book stayed boxed up.  This system is great for that as well, though, because on the outside side of each box I wrote the call number range (say D805-E302.6).  Now, if I need a book from that section, I just look up the call number, head to the storage room, and I know just which box to look in.



So that's it.  It really has been a great system.  It takes seconds to find a book I'm looking for, and it helps me to stay organized.  I know exactly which books I have, I can easily keep track of books I've lent to others, I can create quick bibliographies, and it saved a lot of time unpacking from our move.  I'm sure other ways to set up a library, and I'd love to hear them in the comments below.

The Message of Acts in the History of Redemption by Dennis E. Johnson

This was my favorite book that I read for class in the Fall semester this year (2012).  If you are teaching or preaching on Acts, stop reading and go buy it now.  It really is worth having, and at 250 pages, it won't take you too long to read.  If that wasn't convincing...

Dennis Johnson's The Message of Acts in the History of Redemption is a bit tough to pigeon hole.  It's not really a commentary, though it is quite valuable exegetically.  Nor is it an introduction, as it goes deeper into the text than such a book would.  I think it is best to view it as a theology of Acts.  It looks at the major themes and traces those through the book by means of detailed and learned exegesis.  In short, it is an excellent work.  It is relatively short, and not an ounce of ink was wasted in its production.  Every page contains insightful and valuable observations.  

It is in the pastor or seminary student's hand that this will be most beneficial.  There is a fair amount of discussion of the original language (though, annoyingly, without accents in Greek or pointing in Hebrew).  The (must read) end-notes are a cornucopia of historical, grammatical, and referential information.  Johnson uses the Septuagint extensively, placing Acts firmly in "the History of Redemption."  The amount and profundity of Luke's Old Testament references was something I gleaned from reading this book.   His applications and pastoral challenges are insightful and clearly derived from the text.  His hermeneutic is also instructive.  It is easy to over or under apply Acts, and the nature of the apostolic calling makes application to today tricky.  Johnson navigates these waters well, and is lucid as he discusses issues of interpretation and application.  Given the books length, he does not interact too extensively with scholarly opinion as a commentary would, but this serves the pastor well.  You need not wade through this text to find the meat, because all of the fat has been trimmed.

I am less inclined to recommend this book outright for the lay person.  Each chapter is framed with probing application questions and contextualization that will prove helpful in thinking through Acts, and Johnson's discussion of how Acts relates to the present day is one of the valuable contributions of this work.  However, the fine detail and work in the original languages makes this less likely to be a home run as an introductory work, even if much of this detail is buried in the end-notes   Each chapter is well organized, though, and will benefit all readers in some way.  If you know Acts well and are looking to dig deeper, this is a good book, but it is not a good introduction.  Let me put it this way, I would not use this as a book to read together in a Bible study on Acts, but I would not go without it as a reference if I were teaching such a Bible study.

There are a few drawbacks to this work.  While there is an extensive Scripture index, I do wish a subject index would have been included (but that is something every book of this sort needs).  The editorial decision regarding the original language font (see above) is truly regrettable, and will likely cause some to take this work less seriously than they should.  It feels to me as though the book was written to a seminary level, then edited to be accessible to a wider audience by placing much of the detail work in the end-notes.  The chapters also feel a bit disconnected from each other.  It reads like 13 essays on different aspects of Acts.  By the end, you gain a full understanding of Luke's second letter to Theophilus, but the major themes (or "bridges" as he refers to them) of promise leading to fulfillment, Jew and Gentile relations, and the Apostolic events and our day are mentioned in the in preface, but don't form the organizing structure of the book. Indeed, he begins with the last and these themes are often mixed together within the chapters themselves.  A clearer meta-structure would be appreciated.  Finally, the cover is hideous.

Those drawbacks, though, do not detract from the benefit one will gain in reading this book.  Acts is not just a history lesson of how the Gospel expanded after Jesus left town.  It is a theologically deep explanation of the place of the Church in "the History of Redemption."  At under $15, Johnson's book is well worth a purchase.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

Taking the Bait

I know that Ann Coulter is just out to get attention.  I also know that writing about her plays into her scheme to get attention.  I can relate to that.  My own public disappointment with her comments about those among us with Down Syndrome was equally narcissistic (I wouldn't want anyone to think that I thought so lowly of others, or that I could be so intensive, even though I do both of those things).  What initially upset me was that her comments hit a bit too close to home (I have a son with a neurological disorder), but I wonder if I was too quick to make sure everyone knew what she did wrong without first thinking of how I do the exact same thing.  What she said was terrible.  I know that any reasonable person will see her comments for what they are: rude, insensitive, cruel, and, let's be honest, evil.  But in looking back, I wonder if my attitude towards her wasn't the exact thing as her attitude towards those among us with special needs?

A Special Olympics athlete wrote an excellent open letter to Ann Coulter.  It is worth your time to read it.  Hopefully, through responses like John's, the struggles and the value of the special needs community will gain a deserved moment in the national spotlight.  God can and does use that which was intended for evil for good. John has said it well enough, so I'll add no more criticism.

What I really wonder, though, is how I can be so ungracious in telling others that they need to demonstrate more grace.  I'm not saying that what she said doesn't matter.  What she did and said was wrong on several levels (belittling the special needs community, speaking poorly of the President who is, as Paul says, God's servant [διακονς]).  But my reaction to her was just as rude and unloving as her attitude towards both our President and the special needs community.

In 1 Corinthians 5:10ff Paul tells the the church that when he said not to associate with sinners (specifically, with sexually immoral people) in his previous letter he did not mean the sinners "of this world...since then you would need to go out of the world...For what have I to do with judging outsiders?  Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?  God judges those outside."  It seems that in responding to Ann Coulter that I, like the Corinthians, forgot the Gospel.

What if my first thought would have been, "there's a person who needs Jesus" instead of "what a terrible person!"  What if my first reaction would have been to pray for her, instead of posting about how terrible she is.  What if I would have realized that I need God's grace every bit as much as she does.  I've been a Christian for a long time, and I have proven once again that I still forget the Gospel.  

Ann Coulter is a sinner, but guess what, I am too.  Praise God that He is gracious to sinners.  Praise God for taking my sins of arrogance, judgmentalism,  hostility and all the rest upon Himself out of shear, unbounded, eternal love.  I pray that I remember that next time I see someone else acting just like me.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

Not the Way It's Supposed To Be by Cornelius Plantinga

This is a bit longer than the average book review on this site.  It is also a little more "academic" (with page citations and such).  This is because it was written for a class I took last Spring.  If you want the short answer: read this book.  It is written on a very accessible, popular level, but the theology contained therein is profound.  This is in no way "ivory tower" theology.  It is a boots on the ground, down and dirty discussion of a doctrine that we tend to ignore.

Sin is the constant companion that we all too often choose to ignore. Every person who lives or has lived on this earth has experienced the tragic effects of sin. It has ravaged our world and our interactions with each other. It has harmed everyone and all aspects of life, from the youngest person to the largest institutions, but, for the most part, we do not talk about it. In Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be, Cornelius Plantinga seeks to remedy that situation. He is “Trying to retrieve an old awareness that has slipped and changed in recent decades. The awareness of sin…” (ix), because today “where sin is concerned, people mumble now” (x). 

In Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be, Plantinga tells a story. This world is supposed to be peaceful, just, and good (8). God created it that way, and He created humanity for relationship with Him. However, we don’t experience life this way. A problem was introduced, the problem of sin. Sin is not just a moral problem, it is a relational problem. “Sin is the smearing of a relationship, the grieving of one’s divine parent and benefactor, a betrayal of the partner to whom one is joined by a holy bond” (12). 

Plantinga wants us to realize that sin has a history, a past. The world was not always this way. If we fail to see sin as part of a story, as something within the story and not transcendent over it, we cannot really understand sin. If we do not understand what the world was like before sin, and what it will be like after its removal, we will not properly understand the tragedy of sin. 

This is one of several things that Plantinga does well in his book. Sin is never portrayed as normal. It is always something that distorts. Sin is “anti-creation” (29). “Nothing about sin is its own; all its power, persistence, and plausibility are stolen goods” (89). Sin is does not have its own existence. It is merely a corruptor of what is good, a “Parasite,” as Plantinga calls it. It is a spoiler of the good, but because its existence is not its own, it is ultimately powerless over the original creation or God’s re-creational intention (88). Yet, in our fallen state the scope of sin is pervasive. It touches everything. “Evil perverts religion as well as everything else that is vital and momentous” (108). 

Evil disguises itself well. It often appears good (98). We see this in culture. Entire countries can be deceived into following an evil dictator’s scheme (107), but this is not a sin that is somewhere out there. This is a sin that we all participate in for we all deceive ourselves (112). We tell ourselves lies, and then start to believe them. We allow sin to corrupt our hearts. This deception that we take part in is attractive because we know that there is a better way than sin. As Plantinga says, “Remarkably, the phenomenon of self-deception testifies that we human beings…are incorrigibly sold on goodness” (112). We wish for our evil to appear good. 

It is in places like this where Plantinga’s book is at its best. He skillfully convinces the reader of what he is arguing for, and then takes that truth and places it before us as a mirror into our own hearts. Just when we begin to think; “Yes, that is true of our culture and it is truly terrible” on the next page he places the sin that he has been discussing before the reader and causes us to realize that this is true of ourselves. No one slips through the cracks in Plantinga’s thorough and descriptive evaluation of sin. 

Yet, he does this carefully and honestly. Plantinga writes well, and the reader never feels that he is being talked down to. Sin is taken seriously, and its grave effects are described with gravity and sorrow in some detail. Sin is always described as something evil and terrible, but the sinner, while not seen as a mere victim (105), is treated as a person who must deal with the evil in the world and in himself. Because of this, here is a book to be read by Christian and non-Christian alike. It is psychological, gritty, and real. It is a book that meets us where we are. It is a book that makes us feel in our conscience what we have lost in our consciousness. It recognizes that we are all in this together; we are all part of this story (161). There are many touchstones in this book. Whatever the religious persuasion of the reader, the examples from our culture, society, and selves will be easily recognizable and identified with. 

Over the course of the book, Plantinga not only discusses various kinds of sin, but also various characteristics of sin. As mentioned, sin is parasitic in nature and tries to appear good. Sin is also foolishness. While wisdom is “the knowledge of God’s world and the knack of fitting oneself into it” sin is a corruption of that (115). Sin is “wrong,” “dumb,” and “futile” (121). 

Plantinga sees sin appearing in two basic postures, attack or flight (153). Sometimes, we attack others (or God) in word or deed. At other times we flee from what we should do or from recognizing that we are doing is wrong. But again, Plantinga does not pretend that this is just something that others do. He does not place these actions only at the feet of non-Christians. In one of his more striking passages Plantinga says to those of us in the church; “Claiming allegiance to the Christ who speaks in active imperatives…, we Christians nonetheless prefer to keep the bread of life in our own cupboard and to speak of it only to those who already have it” (189). Once again, Plantinga is refreshingly and starkly frank. 

Here is yet another strength of this book. Plantinga pulls no punches. He does not shrink away from asking the hard questions. He does not ignore critiques of the Christian doctrine of sin (cf. his excellent chapter on addiction), nor does he shy away from challenging our cultures treasured beliefs (cf. 100). He can do this because he is convinced that there is an existential disconnect between what should be and what we experience. We all know that things just are not as they should be. 

Ultimately, the problem with sin is that it always fails to satisfy. “Why is it not only wrong but also foolish to offend God? God is our final good, our maker and savior, the one in whom alone our restless hearts come to rest. To rebel against God is to saw off the branch that supports us” (123). Human nature “with its vast and mysterious amalgam of capacities to think, feel, supervise, love, create, respond, and act virtuously—that is, with its capacities for imaging God—has become the main carrier and exhibit of corruption” (30-31). 

This is the story. Humans, created to image God in the world, have failed to do this due to our rebellion against God. All that we do is tainted with this rebellion, and it affects everything. Yet there is good news. Because this is “not the way it’s supposed to be,” it is not the way that it will be. There is hope for Shalom in the resurrection of Jesus (199), but without a proper understanding of the problem, we will not cling to the solution. 

This is not a book to be read quickly. It is a book that you must digest, must think about, must consider. If we take sin seriously, as Plantinga suggests we should, we should not plow through this book as if it were a dime store novel. Instead, the reader must carefully consider what he is saying and what the implications are. Here is a book that recognizes, above all else, that our main problem is our failure to relate to God as we should. Things are not right because we are not oriented properly towards God. 

While this book is about sin, about the problem instead of the solution, in the epilogue the story surfaces once again. Plantinga brings the story back to bear with these words; “To speak of sin by itself, to speak of it apart from the realities of creation and grace, is to forget the resolve of God. God wants shalom and will pay any price to get it back” (199). That is the story. Sin is here, and it is real, but it has not always been and will not always be. In the end, God’s purpose will be accomplished and sin will be wiped away, but for now, it is something that is with us and that is gravely serious. Plantinga’s book is the best contemporary evaluation of the problem of sin that I have read. It is an excellent work and will benefit all who read it.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

Raising a Special Needs Child in Seminary

Seminary life is tough.  Everybody here faces a unique set of challenges as they pursue God's calling.  It seems that any seminary student that you talk to has some sort of unique challenge that they face.  We are no different in this.  For us, aside from the time, financial  and academic stress, our challenge has been raising our special needs child during seminary.

We found out about a week ago that our oldest son has mild Autism.  In years past, his constellation of symptoms would more likely have been called Asperger's syndrome, but with DSM-5 looming, that will no longer be available as a diagnosis.  Mild Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder which manifests itself in various ways.  Often people with autism have a difficult time understanding and reacting to social and relational cues that you and I take for granted.  They often become fixated on one subject (in my son's case right now, cars and trains).  There are also gross and fine motor challenges, as well as sensitivity to sounds, smells, colors, lights, and other sensory stimuli.  It is a difficult disorder to discuss because the symptoms vary greatly from person to person.

To help you understand a bit about our son's challenges, I think it will be helpful to relate a few of the everyday tasks that are a real challenge in our household:

• Eating:  Our boy is an extremely picky eater.  His sensitivity to wide range of sensations makes dinner time a real challenge.  My mom always said that I was a very picky eater (I still am).  Picture a picky eater that you know.  Now, picture that person being picky not just about taste, but about color, temperature, texture, the type of plate the food is on, how many types of food are on one plate, if something smells a bit differently, and so on.  Even the same type of food can be off putting.  We once (foolishly!) bought a different kind of chicken nuggets that were not "crumbly" enough.
• Getting dressed:  With our son's gross and fine motor challenges, he has a great deal of trouble getting dressed.  He cannot put on his socks and shoes.  He can't put on a shirt, or pull down his pants.  As we try to help him learn these skills (which his brother who is 2 years younger picked up on his own) it can be very frustrating for him.
• Social language:  Social language is difficult for our son.  This is a bit hard to describe.  He does not recognize when another person is upset, or even crying.  He does not understand when his friends want to play in a different way, or that he should play in a similar manner to them.  He has very strict rules about how to do things like ride his bike.  If his friends don't follow his rules (even though they are quite arbitrary), it can cause him to "melt down."
• Transitions:  Speaking of melt downs, transitions are very difficult for our son.  There is a certain rhythm and routine to our day, and if those are changed unexpectedly, it can be tough.  Even a rain storm that makes us come inside early can be very traumatic for him.
• Bed time:  Bed time is very difficult.  Many nights, bed time drags on for a few hours. He just can't settle.  He's not being defiant or rebellious, his brain just does not switch off and relax like a neuro-typical person's brain.
• Processing:  In short, Will processes things differently.  He is extremely intelligent.  He is well beyond his age in all of the intelligence benchmarks, but his other limitations are a constant force of frustration for him.  He sees everything differently.

In many ways, the autistic child's mind is constantly trying to organize and make sense of a seemingly chaotic world.  I honestly do not understand how he sees the world, how he thinks.  I know a lot more now than I did a year ago, but much of it is still a mystery.

Raising our autistic son can be a real spiritual struggle.  I mean no offense by this, but if you do not live with an autistic person, it is very difficult to understand what it is like.  It requires constant, unrelenting, and intense focus.  Things don't get better as he gets older.  He isn't just being a boy.  It is not (usually...hopefully) a matter of us failing to discipline properly.  A few years ago, I was the guy in the grocery store who looked at a child screaming about wanting to look at the toys and thinking "My kid will never be that way."  There are bad parents out there, to be sure, but I repent of my arrogance and unloving attitude in those situations.  I know that looking at the toys may be part of the routine, and if you have to quickly run to the store and don't have time to follow the routine, it can be devastating for a kid with Autism.  That happened to us two weeks ago.  1 Timothy 3.4-5 is downright scary  for a person training to be pastor who is the father of an autistic child.  My son's behaviors can so often look like the result of bad parenting.

Life with a special needs child is a struggle.  At times, it makes me question, to my shame, if God's grace really is sufficient.  There are days that, honestly, I just try to get through.  Yet, for every second like that, there are countless hours of joy and happiness generated by our little boy.  He is a very happy, very loving, precious child.  He is truly a gift of God.

On those really tough days, when it is hard to be a good father, when it is just trial after trial and challenge after challenge, I remember that I have Father who loves me even when I frustrate Him.  I have a Father who does not deal with odd taste in food, but with a heart born in rebellion and enmity towards Him.  I have Father who loves me so much that He will stop at nothing to show me His love (1 John 4.10).  Raising a special needs child in the stressful environment of seminary life is a real challenge, but in those moments when I question God's goodness I remember, I'm the special needs child whose Father loves him.  I am loved not because I am good, but because God in His grace chose to love and save me in spite of my rebellion.  This is the Christ-like love that I am called to show to my precious little gift from God.  This is love that I can show only because of and through God's love to me.

My wife and I have decided to be very open with our boys and with others about our son's autism.  This is not an approach that everyone with an autistic child does or should take.  We have chosen to be open about it because it is our hope that someday, our son will know that his autism is not something for him to be ashamed of, and not something that makes us love him less, but it is part of the way that God made him.  God has special and unique plans for him, and hiding his autism will not help him understand that he is loved by us and by God just as he is.  

Autism is a word that many people know, but I think most people (including me until the past year) know very little about it.  Another reason that we are choosing to be open about our life with autism is that we hope that we can perhaps encourage others who are going through similar issues or are curious about the various aspects of parenting an autistic child.  Please, if you have any questions about anything related to our son and his autism, feel free to ask us either in person, via social media (like Facebook), through e-mail, a phone call, or even a comment below.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

Of Providence

In my elective class on the Westminster Confession Faith here at Covenant Seminary, Dr. Calhoun asks us to memorize questions from the Westminster Shorter Catechism.  Upon our arrival at class, we occasionally have quizzes on the assigned catechism questions.  The plan last Tuesday was, after studying the night before, that I would wake up and review a bit more so that I would be well ready for the quiz.

Things did not go according to plan.  I overslept my alarm and only had fifteen minutes to get ready.  As I pulled onto I-170, traffic was dead stopped.  I was listening to Holly Dutton's Catechism questions set to music, trying to firm up the questions for the day in my head, and then the words sunk in:

What are God's works of providence?
God's works of providence are his most holy, wise, and powerful preserving and governing all his creatures and all their actions.

It was as if, after studying this question so diligently  I heard it for the first time.  Westminster is very clear that humans are responsible creatures, yet ultimately, it is God who is in control.  It is so easy for me to get so hung up on what I do, that I forget that I have a kind and gracious Father who loves and cares for me.  An all-powerful Father who wants what is best for me.

Looking back on that morning, oversleeping my alarm was a very good thing.  I was completely exhausted and needed some extra rest.  It turned out that we didn't have a quiz that morning, and traffic cleared just in time for me to make it to class.  But what I needed most that morning were not those little graces, what I needed was a reminder that my God is in control, that He loves me, and that He will care for me, just as He always has.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."