The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller

Tim Keller's congregation in New York has a majority single demographic.  It is for this reason that "The Meaning of Marriage" is a book that speaks so well to an under-served demographic in the marriage resource genre.  Most books on the subject seem to focus on those already or just about to be married (like Bryan Chapell's excellent "Each for the Other*"), or focus on "biblical" courtship/dating.  Very few Christian books on a popular level, at least that I'm aware of, make a compelling case for marriage then go on to explain what a biblical marriage looks like.  Keller's book does just that and does it rather well. Like "Each for the Other," Keller's book revolves around Ephesians 5, though he focuses on verses 22 to 33.  He also goes back to creation in Genesis 2 in his exegesis of the Ephesians passage.  But before getting into the meaning and focus of Ephesians 5, he looks at much contemporary research to make a case for marriage over against cohabitation, extramarital affairs, and the prevalent "hook-up" culture of today.  He does this exceptionally well, and offers a prophetic voice against the self-centered search for the "perfect" person that so riddles our nation today.  In fact, the first chapter of the book should be required reading for any single person who is interested in marriage at some point.  (As an aside, Keller does an excellent job of recognizing that while his book focuses on marriage, there is no shame for those called to a single a life.  He includes an entire chapter dedicated to singleness). Over eight chapters, Keller addresses a range of topics concerning marriage.  From what marriage is and what it does, to pastoral help and hope for how to "make it work," Keller's experience and learning are on display throughout.  He (and his wife, Kathy) discuss topics as wide-ranging as headship, sanctification, and sex. "The Meaning of Marriage" has wide appeal.  It is useful for those who are married, those who are single, for pastors and counselors, for men and women.  It is wise and winsome, and does not pull any punches.  It certainly stands out in its ability to address single people.  It does this better than any marriage book I've yet read, though it is certainly not just written to singles.  His vision for what marriage should be, and what the church should do to support that are highlights of the book.  With "Each for the Other," it is a book that deserves to be on every married couple's bookshelf (and not just as decoration).  Would that I had read these about nine years ago.  The biblical basis and pastoral heart of these books make them so much more valuable and prophetic than the books that weigh down many a Christian bookstore shelf. Upon reading "The Meaning of Marriage," you will know better how to love your spouse, and you will understand the Gospel more fully.  Certainly a book that is worth your time.

*In contrasting these two books, "Each for the Other" addresses marriage then family.  "The Meaning of Marriage" addresses singleness then marriage.  If I had to give one to a married couple thinking of starting a family, it would be Chapell's.  If I had to give one to a single person, it would be Keller's.  If it was anyone outside of those specific circumstances, it's a real toss-up, but you can't go wrong either way.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."

Each for the Other by Bryan Chapell

I read "Each for the Other" after a marriage seminar with Dr. and Mrs. Chapell.  More than I would have guessed going into the class, the seminar and this book have benefited my marriage greatly.  Perhaps other than the marriage retreat that my wife and I attended with Doug and Mary-jane Kittredge at New Life in Christ Church, this book has helped me understand how to relate to my wife in a more biblical and Christ-like fashion. This is book is divided into three sections, and revolves around a discussion of Ephesians 5:21-6:4.  Section one is about the husband's duty to love and care for his wife.  Section two is about the wife's responsibility to love and support her husband.  Section three is about how couples who use their resources to support each other function as parents and in society. Dr. Chapell does an excellent job of maintaining the biblical instructions for marriage without succumbing to an exegetically uninformed breed of chauvinism.  Both husband and wife are to relate to their spouse in love.  To  be sure, each has different roles in the marriage (the husband to enable his wife's flourishing through Christ-like leadership, the wife to support her husbands growth), but each does this in light of the love that they find in Christ. Dr. Chapell's sensitive writing and excellent examples make this book extremely helpful, and quite easy to read.  He does not skirt the culturally unpopular aspects of the Scripture, nor does he allow chauvinism and past abuses any leeway.  In the end, he shows how in a Gospel-centered marriage, instead of "headship" and "submission" leading to a dictatorial reign, it leads to place where not only both spouses, but children and society benefit as well. "Each for the Other" is a great book for married couples to read and digest.  Because it is based on sound exegesis, this book avoids easy yet ineffective prescriptions, and instead cuts straight to the underlying heart of Christian marriage.  Since the focus is on how couples relate, he does not address singles very much (see Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage" for a helpful chapter on marriage for singles).  As such, I think this book is more beneficial to those already married (albeit, not unhelpful to those who are about to get married).  But for any married person, this is a very helpful and beneficial read. It certainly helped me in my marriage, and any book that points us back to Christ, what he did, and how that applies is certainly worth the time.

"Cor meum tibi offero, Domine, prompte et sincere."